


Mark My Words

by Nevanna



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Mind Manipulation, Other, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 03:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14071677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevanna/pseuds/Nevanna
Summary: Kylo has always known a little bit - though not nearly enough - about the dark places inside his head.





	Mark My Words

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place before _The Force Awakens_ and does not require knowledge of _The Last Jedi_. It was written for the following prompt on the kinkmeme:
> 
>  
> 
> _"I want to see anything where Kylo has a problem with self injury. Any ship is fine or none at all if you prefer. Can be anything from Rey trying to help him stop to Hux or Snoke touching his wounds and telling him they like it when he hurts himself."_
> 
>  
> 
> I went with the last option, because that is the trash pile where I live now.

They started on the nights that Ben couldn’t fall asleep: the whispers of _freak_ and _burden_ , _you’re not good enough_ and _can’t control yourself_. As the weeks passed, those words floated to the top of his mind during the day, especially when his tutors caught him daydreaming or when his parents lectured him about his “responsibility to hold up the legacy of the Rebellion.”

Sometimes he tried to silence the angry words in his head with a sharp pinch to his arm. When that didn’t work, he interrupted them by striking his fist against his forehead. That _did_ work, until Chewbacca caught him and told his mother about it she next time she was planetside.

Mother held him, even though he was supposed to be too big for that. She told him about exercises that he could use to refocus his mind, and he started to pay attention when she told him that they were Jedi lessons, like the ones that Uncle Luke taught his students. And then she left again.

He did what she said, and if the angry thoughts came back into his head sometimes, when he was just about to fall asleep, he told himself that a Jedi had to stay strong.

\--

Ben knew that he was pushing himself harder than the other students in the temple. He didn’t want any of them to think that he was receiving special treatment because their master happened to be his uncle. He knew that a few of them thought so, all the same.

Ben measured his successes in the miles that he ran or swam, and the hours that he could sit in meditation without growing restless. He counted them in strikes with his lightsaber, and the minds that he touched and shaped through the Force.

He measured his failures in the scratches that he left on his skin, in places that his classmates were less likely to see. None of them were nearly as skilled as penetrating _his_ mind, so he doubted that any of them suspected. If - or when - Luke found out, would be be disappointed, or would he approve?

\--

“Rise and approach me, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo did as Snoke commanded.

“Lift your sleeves.”

Kylo frowned at the unexpected order. “Supreme Leader, what do you…” he began.

“I would assume” - Snoke hissed out the word - “that my most trusted follower would be able to follow such a simple instruction. Do not prove me wrong.”

“I will not, Supreme Leader. Forgive me.” Kylo pushed up his sleeves. His forearms were etched with angry red lines, some freshly cut, others almost healed.

Snoke let out a long, wheezing breath and extended his hand, running his fingers along the marks. “You choose to mortify your own flesh,” he said. “Is this how you show loyalty, or penance for your mistakes? Do not try to lie.”

Kylo had long since become accustomed to the chill of his master’s touch, and to the slide of Snoke’s words into his mind as well as his ears. He understood, all over again, that he had never truly been alone inside his head. “It is how I show both of those things, and more,” he said. “If I was wrong to do so…” If he was ordered to stop, wouldn’t he have to stop?

“On the contrary,” Snoke told him, “you understand what it is to please me, and to fail me, in ways that few of my acolytes have. But I still have more to teach you. I trust that you will be receptive.”

Kylo lowered his head again. “Of course I will, Master.”


End file.
